The prince’s birthday party was in full swing as Jesse’s carriage pulled up to the palace, stopping before the stairs leading to the ornate front doors. There should have been someone outside to greet any late arrivals, to open their carriage doors then swiftly lead them to the ballroom where the main festivities would be taking place, but not a soul was to be found. It was how he had wanted to arrive, like a ghost passing through, and Jesse was positively elated to arrive with little to no fanfare.
The carriage door suddenly clicked open, breaking Jesse from his thoughts. The night was warm, humidity already clinging to his skin despite his small time outdoors. It was far too hot to be wearing a jacket, but society dictated a full head to toe ensemble, even for the prince’s summer birthday. He adjusted the suit jacket, the brocade patterned fabric far more expensive than anything Jesse had owned in his life, giving himself a moment of sweet release before being cloaked with heat once more.
At the last moment he remembered his mask sitting on the bench and swiped it. It was well known that the prince and his family were hosting a masquerade party, and it would do Jesse no good to be the only one with his identity being known. He quickly affixed the Colombina mask to his face, the black strap so stark against his now blond hair. The carriage door closed behind Jesse with a firm snap, revealing Taiga in a mock bow with clothing as equally elaborate as Jesse’s, and Jesse couldn’t help the grin that spread across his lips.
“Shall we?” Taiga asked, sweeping his hand in the direction of the castle. His eyes were positively shining in the darkness, like little stars poking through the night’s sky.
Jesse nodded. “Let’s go.”
The way to the ballroom was relatively unpopulated, only a few palace guards stationed at every column that Jesse passed with little to no fanfare. Jesse kept to the center, his fine dress shoes sinking into the plush carpet with every step. He had never walked on something so luxurious, and, if he hadn’t been a man on a mission nor feared judgement, he would have undressed and let every inch of his body enjoy the softness. Sadly, he had a few standards and walking naked in the palace was one of them. Perhaps one day he could, but Jesse wasn’t holding his breath.
Taiga had melted into the air around him, appearing in the moonlight of every window before Jesse’s eyes lost him once more. Jesse hadn’t known the other man for long, but the way he moved absolutely transfixed him. He walked with far more grace than Jesse expected, especially considering the moment the two had first met. It was a miracle they had progressed to working together so soundly in such little time.
The doors to the ballroom were wide open, music from a quartet floating into the halls. Jesse could hear the sounds of dancing and conversation, a symphony of sound overwhelming his ears. He could see the master of ceremonies at the platform at the top of the stairs, steps on the left and right leading down into the ballroom, and Jesse’s heart was beating an irregular rhythm in his chest as he slowly approached the entrance. He found himself reaching to his right hand to twist at the large six layered golden ring on his middle finger. Ever since Taiga had slipped it on Jesse’s finger it had helped Jesse to center himself. Everything would be fine. They had planned for every possible outcome before the carriage had appeared before Jesse not even half an hour before.
This was it. The next big step, and it couldn’t go wrong. There were other ways to slip into the party, garden doors offering a more subtle way to walk in, but Jesse had wanted the first thing he saw to be the prince. He wanted every step down those stairs to be focused on the prince they were all there to celebrate.
If it had been any other man, Jesse would have been more concerned on where to find his prince in the ballroom. The elder brother was far more social, spending more time on the dance floor than in his parent’s graces. But Jesse’s prince? The one he was there to see? He wasn’t one for dancing, preferring reading in the royal library to anything involving social interaction. Many would try and approach him, asking for a dance, but every single person would be refused. He would spend all evening on the dais, counting down the hours until he could return to his room. Those stairs would offer the best view of the prince, and Jesse refused to change that part of his plan.
The only problem had been the master of ceremonies. Jesse held no title nor a formal invitation clutched in his hand. Any astute man worth his weight in gold would know Jesse was trying to sneak into a party that he hadn’t been invited to. That simply wouldn’t do! Every moment of his evening had been decided to the very second, and Jesse would follow every delicate stroke. He had to keep reminding himself to not get too hopeful. The chance of all of his dreams coming true had such a small chance of happening, and he held a firm reign on his emotions the second they had left for the party. Regardless of what the future held, Jesse would be gone by the time the clock struck midnight. Tomorrow was another busy day.
Normally sneaking into the party through the main entrance would have stressed Jesse out, and he would have changed his intentions to one he knew would work. There had been plenty of parties Jesse had snuck into using the servant’s entrance or garden doors, despite the master of ceremonies being quite the peacock and claiming that no unwanted guests had slipped under his nose. Just this once he wanted to enter how the upper echelon did.
Luckily, he had Taiga by his side now.
With a wink, Taiga disappeared into the darkness once more, Jesse losing track of him. His eyes drifted, focusing on the ornate details of the pieces of art hanging on the walls. It was a painting of what looked to be a princess running down a long flight of stairs, fingers curled around her skirts to stop herself from stepping on them in her flight. At the top there was a lone figure reaching out for her, the lights from the castle backlighting him so his expression was impossible to read.
Jesse longed to reach out, to feel the dried paint under his fingertips. He had always wanted to pursue art in his youth, the works of painters before him so inspiring to gaze upon. He had thought himself the next great artist when he was a child, always drawing pictures in the dirt to show his parents when they returned after a long day of work. He loved their smiles as they gazed down upon his next masterpiece. When he was older, his parents bought him paper and charcoal to further nurture his growing passion, and Jesse filled page after page with pieces he believed were even better than the last.
It was only when he showed the other neighborhood children that Jesse learned he had not a single artistic bone in his body. They laughed at him, pointing out details Jesse had taken pride in and demanding to know what he had even drawn on the page. The teasing had crushed him, learning that his passion was nothing but a figment of his imagination. He had thrown away his love for drawing not long after, but a part of him would always appreciate beautiful things.
The sound of a vase crashing to the floor filled the air, the gasp and muttering of conversation of those nearby wormed their way into Jesse’s ear. He saw the master of ceremonies huff and stomp down the stairs, his shrill voice ordering nearby servants to clean up the mess and demanding to know who had broken it. Jesse took that as his signal to slip inside, heading down the opposite side of the staircase he had seen the master go down.
The ballroom looked like a fairytale, far more done up that Jesse had ever seen it. Flowers bloomed up the walls, stark black and white to make for an elegant affair. There were far less candles on the chandelier, giving the room a dark and cozy ambiance that sent shivers down Jesse’s spine. He could see a table along the left wall piled high with delectable food and drink, only the best of the best for the king and queen’s precious youngest child.
But it was the prince who stole Jesse’s breath away. Matsumura Hokuto sat upon his princely throne on the far side of the room, and if Jesse did not know he was a living and breathing human being, he would have thought the prince a doll. His gaze was upon the ballroom floor, watching his invited guests dance and drink behind his own Colombina mask, but his eyes looked far away. His clothes were perfectly pressed and unwrinkled, but there was a sadness to him that struck Jesse’s heart. He hoped to change that.
Taiga appeared at the bottom of the stairs, offering his hand to help aid Jesse down the last few steps to which Jesse took.
“Afraid I would fall?” he asked, biting his cheek to keep the smile from slipping across his lips.
“I didn’t want you to fall twice tonight,” Taiga said, leading Jesse around the edge of the ballroom. Their steps were slow and calculated, and Jesse could hear the kerfuffle behind him as the master of ceremonies quietly and furiously interviewed all those who had been near when the vase broke. No one had appeared to see a thing. “Do you require anything else of me for now?”
Jesse shook his head. “Not until we leave, so feel free to eat, drink and dance to your heart’s content.”
“A quarter to midnight by the carriage?” Taiga asked, and it took Jesse a moment to understand his words.
“I’ll be there. Not a minute later.” Taiga let go of his hand, and Jesse watched as he melted into the crowd.
Jesse kept the pace Taiga had set, rounding the outer edge of the ballroom. He could see Hokuto’s brother in the middle of the dance floor, dancing with a woman who had to be twice his age. Perhaps an aunt or a woman who still clung to dreams of being made royalty. Jesse wasn’t sure, but he appreciated the genuine smile on Hokuto’s brother’s face as he twirled his partner around the dance floor. The king and queen were on the edges of the festivities, tall glasses of some sort of alcohol in their hands and making conversation with various lords and ladies Jesse knew. There were loud and proud smiles on all of their faces, so different from the glowering looks Jesse normally received in his line of work.
Jesse’s gaze returned to Hokuto, and he saw one woman approach the prince, the neckline of her dress glittering with more jewels Jesse had seen in his entire life. The two conversed for a moment before she curtsied and left the prince on his own, starkly rejected from whatever humble wish she had asked for. Jesse could feel the sweat dripping down the back of his neck, sinking into the silk of his shirt.
This was it. The second he approached the dais it was now or never, and there was no taking anything back. He had to make the most of every second, and if he was rejected…well…at least there was a table full of alcohol Jesse could drown his sorrows in. Rejection was to be expected after all.
Each step he took was slow and tentative, as if he was second guessing all of the planning that had gone into that evening. His breath felt trapped in his chest, his lungs not wanting to work, until he stood before the dais a humble man dressed as if he belonged. He saw Hokuto’s eyes look at him top to bottom, a questioning brow raised until Jesse remembered to bow.
“Prince Hokuto,” Jesse said, his voice so rich and velvety to his own ears, “I wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”
There was a small shift in Hokuto’s posture, one that could have been missed if Jesse hadn’t held the prince in his vision. His voice was soft as he spoke, a questioning tone to his words. “You weren’t announced.”
If Hokuto thought Jesse would be shocked by the accusation, he was sorely mistaken. Jesse knew the prince was positively clever and would have noticed a detail such as that. “I wasn’t.”
“And that new friend of yours knocked over the vase.” Jesse watched as Hokuto blinked behind his mask, those eyelashes so beautiful even when hidden behind decorative layers of paper-mâché. “I haven’t seen him before.”
That…that hadn’t been a detail that Jesse thought Hokuto would pick up on, and he found himself reaching for his ring once more to keep his thoughts from spiraling in his head. With how many people filled the ballroom, Jesse had expected that single moment to be lost in the chaos. He should have expected his prince to notice the small minute details.
Jesse let himself laugh, releasing the tension building in his spine. “I should know better than to doubt your keen eye.”
The sadness on Hokuto’s features broke, a brilliant smile gracing his mouth that lit up his entire face. Jesse felt his heart speed up in his chest, and he fought the urge to step forward and make their conversation more personal, discouraging eavesdroppers from listening in. It wouldn’t be good to ascend to the dais when Jesse had no place there. “Is that all you’re here to do? Wish me a happy birthday?”
The words were caught in Jesse’s throat, the ones he truly wanted to ask. The evening was going far better than he had ever anticipated. It was easy to imagine there was something between the two of them, the lingering gazes from Hokuto so powerful to Jesse’s mind. He had taken them in, the images swirling around in his brain and growing into something that he knew couldn’t exist before he quickly snipped them back. A royal? Falling for him? Impossible! Royalty only stuck to the nobility. There was only the smallest hint of interest from Hokuto because of the outward package, not because of who Jesse was as a person. Regardless, Jesse couldn’t help his wish.
Jesse held his hand out, fingers shaking as his mouth found the words he wanted to say. “May I have this dance?”
There was a small pause, an intake of breath. Jesse kept his eyes trained on Hokuto, hardly breathing. A part of him wanted to take it back, to swear it was just a joke. It was a line that he shouldn’t have dared cross. Hope was a powerful emotion that he knew better than to follow.
But he almost couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw Hokuto rise from his princely throne and cross the distance between them. His hand slipped into Jesse’s, buttery soft skin sliding so majestically against Jesse’s calloused fingers. Jesse tried not to grip onto Hokuto’s hand too tightly as he led him to the dance floor, but he couldn’t help it. That singular hand was the one thing stopping Jesse’s emotions from swallowing him whole.
The crowd around them seemed to quiet as they approached the dance floor, ladies hiding the lower half of their faces behind decorative fans, but Jesse could see the shock painted across their eyes. He couldn’t imagine the throws of people who had approached Hokuto, pining and hoping to win his affection, only for someone else to swoop in and steal the object of their desire. There would be countless questions, countless rumors circling the ballroom, of who this mysterious man could be, but Jesse was no one and would remain as no one to them.
They took their places on the dance floor as the quartet wrapped up their song, many of the dancing couples fleeing upon seeing the birthday boy take to the floor. Jesse could have sworn he saw an inquisitive look from Hokuto’s older brother, trying to get Hokuto’s attention, but if Hokuto had seen his brother, he didn’t show it. His eyes were only for Jesse. His hand molded to fit so perfectly in Jesse’s own, his other resting so firmly on Jesse’s shoulder as if it had no intentions of ever leaving.
The quarter struck up another song, a mid-tempo number that kept Jesse and Hokuto twirling around the dance floor. A thousand questions were spinning around Jesse’s mind, each one he was so desperate to ask, but upon opening his mouth, he found himself unable to properly find the words.
How could he? How could Jesse ever strike up a conversation when he felt like he was living in a perfectly crafted lie? How could anyone as beautiful and intelligent and royal as Hokuto ever want him? This person that he was dressed as, with delicately decorated shoes and clothes worth more than a hundred times Jesse’s salary, was a crafted façade to help Jesse blend into the elite. It could be the only reason why Hokuto had even agreed to dance with him, his normal attire so unlike the glittering life of the elite. He was a helpless lamb masquerading amongst a den of wolves, waiting for one to notice he didn’t belong.
Hokuto saved him from making an absolute fool of himself with improper dance conversation. His voice was light, but each word came out with a rounded edge to it. “Who is that person you brought with you this evening?”
Jesse gazed down at the prince, an emotion clinging to his eyes that Jesse had never seen on him before. Was…was Hokuto jealous of Taiga? Why would he be jealous? That didn’t make any logical sense. Why would he be concerned about who Jesse kept company with? The only thing that existed between Hokuto and Jesse was friendship, and even that was pushing societal norms.
“He’s nothing but a friend. A new one,” Jesse said keeping his voice light and easy, as if they were discussing the weather or the next party they would attend together. “As you saw, he helped me sneak inside, so I could attend your birthday party.”
The song slowly came to a close, swirling skirts coming to a stop. Jesse meant to step away, to lead the prince back to the dais. He only wanted to claim a single dance before spending the rest of the party gorging himself on delicious food and drink, but Hokuto didn’t let go. Jesse returned his hand to Hokuto’s waist, and, when the music picked up again, found himself spinning around the dance floor once more with Hokuto in his arms.
“How did the two of you meet?” Hokuto asked, his fingers gripping onto Jesse’s shoulder and hand a little tighter. His steps were perfectly timed. To those around him, it would appear as if Jesse was leading them, but Jesse was following Hokuto’s lead. Jesse had never been asked to dance when he had attended these lavish parties in the past, and he had never needed to learn to dance before. It was only through Hokuto’s expertise that Jesse wasn’t tripping over his own two feet. “I’ve never seen you with him before.”
“It’s…it’s complicated,” Jesse said. And he meant it. How could he ever begin to describe how Taiga had stumbled into his life? It felt absolutely logical to Jesse’s brain for he had experienced it himself but retelling the story? He would have been laughed out of the country for exclaiming something so preposterous to be true.
“He must be quite rich,” Jesse heard Hokuto mutter, his thumb brushing against the brocade of Jesse’s jacket. “This is absolutely exquisite work.”
“Not quite that,” Jesse said, feeling himself start to get dizzy. Whether it was from the dancing or how his heart was racing, he wasn’t sure. His head felt as if was swimming around his skull from the topic of conversation, his heart sinking. Hokuto had only agreed to dance with him because of his clothes. “For one night I wanted to feel like I deserved to be in your presence.”
Hokuto was silent for a moment, his face devoid of emotion and making it difficult to read. Jesse felt himself panic, his heart seizing in his chest. He had to have said something wrong and upset Hokuto. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Hokuto’s words melted into Jesse’s ears.
“I should be saying that to you,” Hokuto said, the second song coming to a close far quicker than Jesse would have liked. He wanted to stay forever trapped in this moment for as long as he lived, pretending that he had been born into a family much more affluent to match Hokuto’s social standing, but Hokuto released his grip on Jesse’s hand and shoulder, breaking them apart. “I wish I was half the person you are, Jesse.”
“You’re joking,” Jesse said, his hands dropping to his sides, and he wanted nothing more than to disappear. He could feel the weight of hundreds of eyes on them, all watching and waiting to see what happened next. “I’m…” No one. Nothing. The dirt beneath your boot. Just a speck in your life that you’ll forget in a year or two or twenty.
Hokuto stepped closer, his hand slipping into Jesse’s. “You are everything to me.” He tugged on Jesse’s hand, pulling him towards one of the doors that opened into the gardens and the darkness of the night. Jesse could hear the swarming sound of gossip buzzing behind them. It was hard to tune it out, but the sound of his blood rushing through his veins consumed Jesse’s ears. It was the only thing he could focus on besides Hokuto’s soft fingers beneath his.
There was no way this was happening. Absolutely not at all. Jesse wasn’t from the kind of family where the luxury of wealth and status had been assigned to him at birth. Though he hadn’t known that the word ‘poverty’ had existed growing up, it was the life that had been chosen for him. There hadn’t been much to eat in his family, but there was an excess of love that existed in their tiny home. Not many children Jesse had grown up around had parents who cared if they came home or not at the end of the day, but his had always waited by the door when Jesse spent too much time playing the other children.
When Jesse was of age, his parents had secured him an apprenticeship with the royal hostlers of the castle through Jesse’s aunt. She worked in the palace in the kitchens and had connections with many of the other palace staff. The job came with a monthly wage that helped keep food on the table along with two meals from the palace kitchens a day. It had been hard and grueling work keeping the stables cleaned, but Jesse had enjoyed it. Horses didn’t care how Jesse had grown up nor if he improperly mucked their stall. They loved with their whole being, and Jesse enjoyed chattering with them about his day when he was alone with no one but the other horses for company.
He hadn’t known the finely dressed boy around his age who had overheard him one day was the youngest prince. Jesse had only been happy to have someone who seemed genuinely curious about his quirks and why he so happily talked to animals who couldn’t converse back. It hadn’t been a long conversation, perhaps a few minutes, before they had parted, but Jesse had hoped it was the first stages of a new friendship.
The boy, who Jesse later learned to be called Hokuto, came to the stables at the same time every day, never staying long. His body would be half hidden by the stall door, peering in and watching Jesse as he worked. He asked inquisitive questions, wondering about the process and Jesse’s daily work as a hostler. There had been a part of Jesse who had been worried at first. Was this noble boy looking down at him? But Hokuto’s words were never cruel or mocking. He seemed genuinely curious, so Jesse kept treating him as he would any other person.
It wasn’t until a few months later, when the king and queen were traveling by carriage to a nearby kingdom with their two sons, that he learned who Hokuto truly was. It had been the first time Jesse had laid eyes on the king and queen, and one of the senior hostlers had elbowed him, quickly snipping at Jesse to keep his mouth shut. Jesse was lucky no one had been paying him any attention moments later when their two sons had come into the stable. His jaw had dropped to the floor when Hokuto appeared, his eyes lingering over Jesse before he slipped into the carriage after his parents.
The gardens were sparsely populated as Hokuto led Jesse into them, the night still so warm and sticky with summer heat. Jesse had never felt his heart pounding so hard in his chest before. His mind kept turning over Hokuto’s words from the ballroom as he pulled Jesse deeper and deeper into the gardens, farther from prying eyes.
This…this wasn’t the plan. This was never in the plan. In all of Jesse’s wildest imaginations he had never thought that Hokuto would ever want to spend more time with him than a single dance. It was his birthday after all! He should be with his family and those he had spent his entire life with! Not a boy from nothing whom he had kindled a tender kinship with for the past eight years.
Their friendship shouldn’t have existed. Not after Jesse had learned who Hokuto was. He should have cut off his long rambling explanations and answered the prince with short clipped sentences like the rest of the palace staff. He should have bowed and called him “your highness,” anything to make Hokuto remember that there were leagues of land between them that could never and should never be crossed.
But Jesse hadn’t done that. He hadn’t listened to his gut telling him to keep their relationship as prince and hostler. He had let the two of them grow closer to the point where Jesse was the only hostler Hokuto trusted to saddle his horse. He was the one Hokuto sought on quiet afternoons when he had nothing to do, spending far longer in the stable than was socially allowed. There had been far too many concerned looks from the senior hostlers, wanting Jesse to ask the prince to return back to the palace where it was safer, but there was no saying no to Hokuto once he set his mind to something.
Their friendship had blossomed over the years, Jesse taking every chance that he had to tease Hokuto when he was away from the prying eyes and ears of the court. Hokuto responded to Jesse’s teasing words with rolling eyes and roaring laughter that only encouraged Jesse further. He slowly picked up a habit of calling Hokuto silly nicknames to replace his royal title when they were alone together. Jesse had started out with silly things such as ‘your royalness’ and ‘your sleepiness’ and even something as ridiculous as ‘your never finishing your lunchness.’ Over time they had somehow become more possessive: My prince. My friend. My personal information book. My only sanity.
My beloved.
The name had struck Jesse the moment it had left his lips, a bolt going through his body as quick as lightning dancing across the sky. It was like his mind and heart had opened in an instant, and Jesse understood the little flickers of emotion that had been dancing through his heart every time he had caught Hokuto smiling at him. He loved this intelligent prince. He loved him with all of his heart, and Jesse couldn’t believe how he hadn’t realized this wonderful, fragile love blooming within him before. But breaking it down, thinking of the years they had spent together, it was no wonder that he had slowly fallen for Hokuto.
Hokuto always treated Jesse like a person and not like scum beneath his boot like many of the nobility did, yelling at him when he didn’t work as quickly as they demanded. He cared to know who Jesse was and never acted like their difference in station was an impossible wall that could never be scaled. He never scoffed even when Jesse was covered in dirt or appeared as though he hadn’t ever bathed in his life. Hokuto always asked him genuinely what he was up to and wanted to know what was going on in Jesse’s life.
But there were other things about Hokuto that Jesse adored. He loved Hokuto’s concentrating face as he tried to work out a difficult problem in his head. He loved how Hokuto always tried to help Jesse with his work, at least until three other hostlers appeared from nowhere and took the broom from Hokuto’s elegant fingers when he attempted to clean a little. He loved Hokuto’s kindness and how he could turn on a dime and snap out a sassy retort when Jesse least expected it. There were far too many things Jesse loved, and he would need a thousand paintings to properly define the feelings within his heart.
Two words, two simple words, were all it took for Jesse's world to come tumbling down around him. It was a dangerous thing to fall for someone so out of reach, but the way Hokuto’s cheeks had turned a faint pink upon hearing Jesse’s newest nickname gave Jesse something he shouldn’t have: hope. It was an emotion that Jesse had never allowed himself to feel, something that he should never cling to. Love between himself and Hokuto couldn’t exist. It only existed in fairytales.
Hokuto dropped Jesse’s hand when they arrived at a bench at the far side of the gardens, the palace barely visible in the distance. The prince sat down on it, patting the spot next to himself, and Jesse sat down as well.
It was quiet, far too quiet. The sound of cicadas filled the air, their sound deafening to Jesse’s ears. He didn’t know what to say. Nothing made sense anymore. He thought he had understood his role in the universe, to be forever pining for someone that he could never have. Jesse knew that one day he would have to grow up and see Hokuto marry and have children. He’d watch over the little ones grow up and teach them how to ride their first horse, and Jesse would forever dream of another life that existed only in the dark fabrics of his mind.
“Please,” Hokuto said, his voice sounding oddly pained, “please tell me who your friend is. What is his name? Why did you bring him this evening?” Jesse looked over to Hokuto and found him looking in the opposite direction, the edge of his face cloaked in shadow. “I need to know.”
“His name is Taiga,” Jesse said, speaking slowly to choose each of his words carefully. How could he ease Hokuto’s worries that had appeared out of nowhere? “I promise you there’s nothing between us. We only met this evening.”
Jesse saw how Hokuto’s back went rigid, almost as if the gears were whirling around in his head. He slowly turned to face Jesse with wide eyes. “This…this evening? Are you sure?”
He was absolutely positive. He had never laid eyes upon Taiga before an hour ago. The man had simply appeared in his life as if he had always been there, and Jesse was eternally grateful for all of his help.
“He’s the reason why I’m here tonight. My clothing and the carriage that brought me here are because of his power,” Jesse said. He ached to take Hokuto’s hand in his, to pull him closer so Jesse could feel the beat of Hokuto’s heart next to his. He needed Hokuto to understand that his words were true and honest. “If it wasn’t for him, I would be at home missing your birthday party this evening.”
“I…I don’t understand, “Hokuto said. “How is this possible? Is he a member of the nobility that I haven’t met before?”
“He’s…not exactly nobility,” Jesse said, pausing for a moment. Hokutos’ eyes were latched onto his, hanging onto Jesse’s every word. “I don’t even think he’s human. I…he…” Jesse let out a strangled sound. Why was this so hard to confess? “My beloved, it’s unbelievable, but you have to believe me. Taiga is my fairy godfather.”
If Jesse hadn’t been at Hokuto’s birthday party, dressed in fine clothing made of Taiga’s creation, he would have assumed he was dreaming, a small part of him still did. Not long ago he had been at his home, watching the carriages of the surrounding nobility weave through the city as they traveled to the palace. Men and women of the kingdom were decked out in their finest while Jesse had been home, wishing on every star and yearning that he could be in attendance of Hokuto’s birthday masquerade.
Taiga appeared from nowhere, wide eyes blinking and gaze shooting around as if even he hadn’t understood how it had happened, before giving Jesse a small wave and barreling into Jesse’s tiny home as if he lived there. He had picked up nearly every object that hadn’t been bolted down, questioning Jesse what it was, what the purpose was, and if he could keep it. It had taken Jesse roughly ten minutes to calm Taiga down and another ten to piece together the three very important magical rules Taiga was trying, and failing, to explain to him.
1, Taiga was his fairy godfather brought to earth by Jesse’s wish.
2.He could use magic to give Jesse everything that he wanted to make his wish come true.
3. This kind of magic had a cost, and that cost was time. Jesse needed to return home before the clock struck midnight or the magic would slowly unravel, and each piece would return to its original purpose.
Jesse had readily agreed to each rule, fully believing that he only needed a single dance with Hokuto to make his life complete. Taiga had used Jesse’s own clothes as the basis of his rich ensemble, a matchbox for the carriage, and even a few mice to become horses. He had pulled beams of moonlight to construct Jesse’s mask that, upon being put on, would turn his hair blond for a bit of added security against recognition. Last, Taiga had taken a ring from his finger, a six layered gold ring, and magically sizing it to exactly fit only Jesse’s finger to complete the look. Everything had been perfect.
Hokuto’s hand slipped into Jesse’s own, giving it a tight squeeze. “I believe you.”
Those three words took Jesse’s by surprise, and he felt himself jump a bit. “You do?” he asked, feeling the shock coursing through his own. “But isn’t it too unbelievable?”
“You’ve never lied to me before,” Hokuto said, his gaze dropping to their connected hands. He rubbed small circles with his thumb onto the back of Jesse’s hand, and Jesse had never felt such a soft and loving touch from Hokuto before. They had never dared cross that physical boundary until their dance. “And I would like to think Taiga’s appearance also satisfied my own selfish wish for this evening.” Jesse felt like he was back on the dance floor with Hokuto, Hokuto’s words making his head spin. “If I have the chance, I would like to meet him and thank him for bringing you here to me.”
Jesse felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Your selfish wish?” he asked, each word coming out as barely a wisp in the wind. He squeezed Hokuto’s hand tightly, the ring on his middle finger pressing into Hokuto’s. The feeling of the metal connecting them both was the only thing keeping Jesse from passing out from shock.
One second. One singular moment was all it took for Jesse’s world to change. Hokuto’s lips covered his own, all of Jesse’s wildest dreams burst from the deepest recess of his mind. He had always wanted to imagine what it would be like to kiss Hokuto, truly he did, but he had always kept the firmest reigns on his desires. Hoping for something impossible would only lead him to ruin.
Hokuto’s lips were soft, so soft, and Jesse found himself getting lost in them. He felt Hokuto’s hand tangle itself in the hair at the nape of his necks, his fingers tugging them impossibly closer together. His senses were being consumed by everything Hokuto, his scent so intoxicating to Jesse. He felt himself falling even further with every passing second, desire clawing at his belly more furiously than he ever knew to be possible.
Jesse wanted to know what Hokuto’s little noises sounded like, his moans. He wanted to make Hokuto desperate for more kisses, more touches, more skin, but more than that was the joy coursing through his veins. He had never known a feeling so pure and wonderful in his entire life, and it was because Hokuto, his beloved Hokuto, had leaned in and kissed him. Nothing in the world could ever compare to such beauty, even the most talented artists in the world could only dream of being able to match Jesse’s happiness.
This had to be a dream. One long realistic dream that Jesse was taking forever to wake up from. There was no other explanation for everything that was happening other than Jesse was hallucinating all of this. How could Hokuto ever want him? How could Hokuto ever be kissing him? Was this a joke? No, it couldn’t be. There wasn’t a cruel bone in Hokuto’s body. This had to be something else.
“Come back to the palace with me,” Hokuto said when they broke, their foreheads touching. Their breath swirled around each other, blanketing them even more in the humid summer heat. “Let me introduce you to my parents. Once they get to know you, I know they’ll love you” He gripped tighter to Jesse’s neck, and Jesse could see the desperation in Hokuto’s eyes. “My family will love you the way I do.”
“My beloved-” Jesse began, but Hokuto cut him off.
“I love you,” Hokuto said, his words so firm in the night air, and Jesse felt his heart swell with every word. “I love you so much it hurts. The only thing I wanted for my birthday was to see you at my party. If you had arrived covered in mud and manure, I wouldn’t have cared. I only wanted to dance with you, and I never thought in my wildest dreams that you would attend.” Hokuto leaned back, letting Jesse see his face more clearly. “I feel like I’ve been trapped in a dream, and I never want to let you go now that you’re here.”
Jesse didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to respond. This was everything that he ever wanted. His love was being reciprocated tenfold, and he knew deep within his heart Hokuto wasn’t pretending. He hadn’t danced with Jesse because he had been cleaned up, his handsome exterior matching the royalty of court. He hadn’t suddenly become interested in Jesse because of his looks. The way Hokuto was looking at Jesse was as if he were the very stars in the night’s sky that twinkled filling the empty void in his life. Jesse was Hokuto’s reason for living, and Jesse felt the very same.
“You’re the only person who cared to get to know me for who I am,” Hokuto said, clinging even tighter to Jesse. “You’re the only one who was never concerned about my royal title. You talked to me honestly and candidly.” Hokuto looked into Jesse’s eyes, his own shining in the night. “I choose you, Jesse, and I hope you’ll choose me, too.”
He felt Taiga’s presence appear behind him before he spoke, his fairy godfather’s voice quiet as he spoke. “Jesse, it’s nearly time to leave,” Taiga said, pausing a moment before speaking again. “What would you like to do?”
Jesse wanted to stay. He wanted to walk back into the ballroom and loudly proclaim his love for the prince. He wanted to prove himself as not just a measly hostler but as a man, a man who wanted to spend the rest of his life by Hokuto’s side. He wanted to wake up every day next to Hokuto, kissing him with passion, and learn every little thing that made him tick. There were so many things he didn’t know about Hokuto, and he wanted to be the expert on every little detail about the prince.
But there was a small part of Jesse that spoke the loudest. How this couldn’t work. It never would. Hokuto would be judged for who he had chosen to marry, a pitiful hostler. He would be ridiculed and hated for dropping so below his station, and his parents, the ones he loved with his whole heart, would disown Hokuto for not marrying into nobility. Jesse couldn’t commit Hokuto to a lifetime of poverty because of love, could he? He couldn’t dare tear Hokuto from a family that loved him for something so selfish.
“I’m sorry, your highness,” Jesse said, breaking free of Hokuto’s grip on him. He stood, offering his hand to Taiga who reluctantly took it. “I should go. I…I think it’s better for the two of us that I leave.”
Hokuto didn’t say anything, but Jesse could see how his heart was shattering to pieces before him. Jesse wanted to take his words back, anything to keep Hokuto from being consumed by disappointment, but this was the right path. Jesse would never be accepted by the ruling elite no matter how much they dressed him up in finery. He would always be relegated to being the commoner unworthy of Hokuto’s love.
“Jesse…are you sure?” Taiga asked. His hand was tight in Jesse’s, the golden ring pressing against Taiga’s warm fingers.
He nodded. “I am,” Jesse said. “Let’s go before your magic expires.”
Taiga almost seemed reluctant to leave, glancing back at Hokuto as they crossed the gardens. They winded around the outside of the palace before finding Jesse’s carriage, Jesse slipping inside. The entire ride his mind was only focused on replaying the evening in his head. The dance with Hokuto. Their conversation. He found himself touching his lips with his finger, Hokuto’s kiss lingering like a ghost on Jesse. He wished he could have kissed Hokuto again and again, but it wasn’t in the cards. Time was a vicious villain.
The entire evening had gone entirely according to plan, sans the addition of the magical tryst in the royal gardens. He had attended Hokuto’s birthday undetected, wished him a happy birthday as well as danced with him. Jesse couldn’t have asked for a better night, and yet there was still regret furiously clinging to his heart. He knew he shouldn’t have felt so regretful with his final choice. It had been the correct decision. This wasn’t a fairytale trapped within the pages of a book. This was real life, and in real life the commoner never won the heart of the prince.
The carriage pulled up to the outside of Jesse’s home just as the palace clock struck midnight, giving him just enough time to escape from the carriage before the spell broke. With the final toll, Jesse was left outside of his home with his worn clothes on his back, his hair returning to its natural brown without the power of the mask. But still Taiga remained by his side despite the quick destruction of his spells.
“Thank you,” Jesse said, pulling his fairy godfather into a powerful hug. “You made this evening more than I could have ever wished. I don’t know how I can ever thank you."
“It’s the least I could do,” Taiga said, a pleasant smile on his face. “I’m happy I could make your dreams come true. Is there anything else you would like to wish for?”
“No.” Jesse shook his head. “I’m fine. Thank you again—wait! Your ring!” Jesse shouted, double checking each of his fingers, but the six layered ring had completely vanished from his person. “I’m so sorry. I think I’ve lost it. Let me search for it, so I can return it to you.”
“It’s fine,” Taiga said, his smile changing to an emotion that Jesse couldn’t read. “Please don’t worry.” He gave Jesse a wink before waving his hand, his body slowly disappearing before Jesse’s eyes. “My ring is exactly where it needs to be.”
It was midday before Jesse had a moment to himself the next day, shirt soaked through with sweat and having seen better days. He still needed to lay down fresh straw for half of the stalls on top of grooming each horse as they came in from the pastures. One of the other hostlers had come in grumbling, a distant uncle of the king demanding they reshoe his horses before their carriage departed early the next morning. That would need to be done before the sun set, and Jesse had a feeling it would be relegated to him.
He didn’t mind. Staying busy was what kept his mind from drifting off to memories from the night before, thoughts full of Hokuto and what it had been like to dance with the prince. He didn’t dare progress past that second dance, their time in the garden too distracting to relive. Jesse had lost far too many hours of sleep the night before remembering the feeling of Hokuto’s lips on his, their tongues dancing together in the summer heat. He was lucky he had woken in time for work.
Lunch was a simple stew and fresh baked bread, the crust crispy but the inside soft like a pillow. Jesse had used his bread to swipe up the remaining soup clinging to his bowl, devouring every little morsel.
“They’ve been arguing all morning,” he heard one of the maids say, her voice low over the banging sounds of the kitchen, the kitchen staff already beginning preparations for the royal family’s dinner. Jesse paused mid bite, his mouth near crammed full of warm stew, when he heard their words, and he craned his ear to try and hear more of the conversation.
“Should have known the prince would be unhappy with the party,” the other maid sighed. “The king and queen always want to throw these big celebrations for him when we know the prince would prefer a quiet dinner with family.”
“That’s not what they were arguing about,” the first said, and Jesse heard a small thump, as if she had smacked her friend’s shoulder. “They were arguing about marriage.”
Jesse felt his heart drop in his chest with the words. He always knew that Hokuto would marry one day, it was the natural course of life. He just hadn’t expected negotiations to happen so quickly after the ball. Hokuto’s brother hadn’t been matched yet, still living the life of a bachelor and enjoying his flirtations. It didn’t make sense why the king and queen were starting with their youngest, but Jesse couldn’t begin to understand the machinations of royalty.
“Did they say who the prince will marry? Are they from within the kingdom or outside? Will it be a fall wedding? Oh, oh, what about winter?” The second maid’s questions were fired off so rapidly Jesse was struggling to keep up with her flurry of words. “I do love a winter wedding. The prince would look so lovely in a white suit.”
“The royal steward shooed me away before I could hear. But,” the first said, a teasing tone to her words, “if I had any say, I think the prince will be wed before the solstice.”
Jesse finished his lunch in a daze, returning to the stables through pure muscle memory. He needed work, any work, to push the maids’ words from his mind. Another hostler had finished laying straw, so Jesse moved down his mental checklist on the next task for the day: grooming. And he knew exactly which horse he wanted to start with.
Prince Hokuto had a fine bay Arabian he had ridden since he was a child. When Jesse first began his apprenticeship, the senior hostlers, especially those who had been in employ of the royal family for more than a decade, loved to recount stories of the princes. Their favorite had been about when Hokuto had been choosing the horse he would learn how to ride on.
The king and queen had wanted Hokuto to choose a more temperate horse, such as a quarter horse. They were far safer for a beginner compared to the far more spirited Arabian the little prince had his eye on since he was a child. Most children would have listened to their parents, even the gentle words of the hostlers, but true to his nature Hokuto spent countless hours interviewing the hostlers about the temperament of the Arabian and researching in the library. At the end of a month, he had amassed enough information to change his parent’s mind, reluctantly agreeing to allow their twelve year old to learn to ride on his chosen horse.
“He fell off plenty,” one of the senior hostlers had said, patting the bay on the shoulder. “There were a few times we were cursing, thinking the prince had died on our watch, but he always got back up and tried again.” The hostler’s eyes were clouded over, a soft smile on his lips as he recounted his memory. “Over time the bay and the prince established a mutual love and affection for each other. You couldn’t get the prince to ride another as long as his girl is alive.”
Hokuto’s Arabian had become Jesse’s favorite as well. He learned all of her favorite snacks through trial and error, using them to tempt her into the stable for a good brush after spending all day in the pastures. He knew to never throw water over her face to cool her down, the simple act enough to send a rage coursing through the horse, but a few scritches under her head were enough to pacify her and keep Jesse from getting kicked in the gut.
But more than that, when he was with Hokuto’s horse, it was like a part of the prince was with him. He could spend hours grooming her if he had the time, brushing her coat until it shined. He talked to her just as he would to Hokuto, telling her about his day and the thoughts running through her head. Jesse knew he shouldn’t be offering so much attention to a single horse, there were countless in the stable that needed tending to, but how could he ignore something so precious and loved by his beloved?
A thought struck Jesse as he was brushing Hokuto’s Arabian down, making him pause. If Hokuto was getting married…wouldn’t that mean there was a chance he was leaving the palace? If an alliance between their kingdom and another was being solidified, there was a high chance that Hokuto would live with his new partner.
There would be no more taking care of Hokuto’s horse. No more daily conversations in the stable. No more silly questions and jokes between the two of them. No more smiles and laughter. No more teasing words between the two of them, far away from curious ears. No more nicknames. No more sweet anticipation of when Hokuto would round the corner.
No more Hokuto.
Jesse leaned into Hokuto’s horse, putting his arms around her large neck and pressing his face into her warm body. He breathed deeply, trying to keep his emotions in check and the tears from springing forth from his eyes. Things would be fine. They would somehow be fine. Even if Hokuto left and lived somewhere else, he would come back to the palace eventually…right? Jesse would still see him even if there were gaps of years between visits. As long as Hokuto didn’t completely disappear from his life, Jesse could be fine. He would be fine. He had to be fine.
“I have to be okay with whatever happens,” he said, fingers dancing across Hokuto’s horse’s coat. He could hear a bit of a fuss being kicked up in the stable, but he didn’t step out from the stall. “There’s no other choice.”
It would take months, maybe even years, but Jesse knew he would eventually move on from this love that consumed him. It would hurt, but he had always been strong. He would save his healing tears for when he was home alone, far away from the cause of his broken heart.
The shrill voice of the queen broke Jesse from his ruminations. “Prince Hokuto, what has gotten into you today?”
Jesse let go of the Arabian, blinking away the few tears that clung to his eyes. Hokuto was here? With his parents? He leaned out from the stall, finding Hokuto in the middle of the stable. There was something clutched in his right hand, and he stood rigid before both of his parents.
“Do you swear it?” the prince asked.
The king sighed, his head hanging down. “We already promised we would honor your wishes.”
“But do you swear it?” Hokuto asked. There was an urgency to his voice that Jesse hadn’t heard before that sent Jesse’s heart racing in his chest. What in the world was going on?
“Prince Hokuto, we do,” the queen said, clutching onto her husband’s arm. “We swear we will honor your wishes.”
Hokuto held out his hand, a golden object pinched between his thumb and forefinger. “You swear that whoever this ring fits I can marry?” The urgency in Hokuto’s voice persisted as he spoke. “No matter what station they come from, whether they’re noble or a commoner? If it fits, the two of us can wed. You swear it?”
Jesse had to squint to see what was clutched in Hokuto’s grasp, and he had to fight back a gasp when he recognized the six layered ring that had donned his finger the night before. Hokuto had the ring? How had he gotten it? Yes, it had somehow slipped from Jesse’s person and was gone by the time he had returned home last night. It had disappeared like magic but the only person who could have removed it through those means was—
Taiga.
Of course. It was why he hadn’t been concerned by the loss of his ring. He had known exactly where it was because he had been the one to leave it behind when the two of them had left in the late hours of the night. Jesse would have cursed and yelled at his scheming godfather had he not been in the presence of royalty.
“We promise and we will swear as many times as you need to hear it,” the king said. “As long as that ring fits, you may marry whomever it belongs to no matter if they are noble or commoner. Now please, Prince Hokuto, remove yourself from the stable, so the hostlers can ready a carriage. We can begin with Lord Tanaka’s-”
Hokuto ignored his father’s words, turning and eyes searching for something within the stable until he locked eyes with Jesse. Each step he took forward, Jesse felt the world around him slow, matching how his heart had come to a near standstill within his body. This had to be a dream. A vividly wishful dream. It was the only explanation for what was happening.
Reality could never be so sweet, so fairytale-like. Jesse’s life was already too impossible, the knowledge of Hokuto’s love for him already too outside the realm of possibility. The idea of the king and queen consenting to their son marrying anyone of his choosing had to be a joke. It was the only way Jesse could rationalize the series of events he had just witnessed and was far easier than accepting them to be the truth.
But Hokuto was before him, his face unreadable. The six layered ring was clutched tightly in his hand. “We’ll begin with the palace staff,” Hokuto said, his voice oddly calm. He readied the ring in his grasp, taking Jesse’s hand in his other. “I’ll put the ring on this hostler first.”
Hokuto’s hand was so warm and soft in Jesse’s as he slipped the ring onto Jesse’s middle finger. It fit absolutely perfectly, like magic. Jesse heard a gasp, perhaps from Hokuto’s mother when he raised Jesse’s hand, showing how the ring was perfectly molded to Jesse’s hand. Jesse couldn’t imagine what it looked like to the king and queen, the thoughts running around their minds. They had probably imagined a long search, scouring the kingdom for the perfect fit for weeks, but Hokuto had solved the mystery in a single exchange.
“I choose you,” Hokuto said, his voice hardly a whisper. He looked up at Jesse, his eyes positively shining. “I will have you in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. I will have you within the palace walls or wherever you call your home. No matter if we fight and argue or our days will pass in blissful peace, I will always choose you because you are mine.” The conviction of Hokuto’s words struck Jesse’s heart, Hokuto’s eyes the only thing he could focus on without feeling like the world around him was spinning. “Do you choose me, too?”
Jesse couldn’t breathe. How could he? Hokuto’s words absolutely paralyzed him, his mind unable to make a decision. Hokuto had given him the path to love, all of the obstacles between them shoved away to create a clear walkway towards the future. All of Jesse’s wildest dreams, his deep fantasies he had never told another soul, could come true with a few simple words. They could be together. They could love each other without fear of retribution, and no one could deny them due to the promise of the king and queen.
But still negativity clung to Jesse’s mind. The disgust that the king and queen’s son, their beloved youngest, would choose an hostler of all people to marry instead of someone who deserved him. Jesse could picture how the nobles would turn down their nose at Jesse upon learning where he had come from, disgusted that someone so far beneath their station had found a way to rise up above his commoner birth. He could hear the words they would whisper at parties, their words hidden behind fans or gloved hands when they thought Jesse wasn’t listening. Jesse was not worthy. He would never be worthy.
But…what did Jesse deserve? Did he deserve to spend all of his years in pain, pretending that this was the meaning of his life? That the two of them should put aside their feelings based purely upon chance of what social class they had been born into? Hokuto loved him. He loved Jesse the same way Jesse loved Hokuto. All of their years of tender friendship had bloomed into mutual affection, and there was no denying how much every inch of Jesse’s being needed Hokuto in his life.
Jesse was tired. He was tired of listening to the little voice in his head, tearing him apart piece by piece to keep him away from the man he loved. He was tired of planning for the future, waiting for the day that Hokuto eventually married another person whether it was for love or alliance. He was tired of pretending he was okay with imagining Hokuto’s children running around the stable and teaching them how to ride. He no longer wanted to wait around for his heart to break and shatter into a thousand pieces. Jesse wanted to finally know what it was like to put himself first for once. He wouldn’t let Taiga’s clever plans fall to ruin.
“I do,” Jesse said, wrapping his hands around Hokuto’s fluffy cheeks. He pulled Hokuto close to him, so their foreheads were smushed together, feeling every bit of happiness coursing through his veins. “I choose you, my beloved. I choose you now, tomorrow, and for all the years to come. As long as you’ll have me by your side, I will remain there for as long as we both live.” Jesse could feel his tears forming at the corner of his eyes, and he let them flow freely. “I will love you for the rest of my life.”
Jesse could feel Hokuto’s happiness radiating from him, his hands gripping tightly to Jesse’s sweaty shirt. He clung to Jesse as if he was the only thing in this world, and Jesse welcomed it. He wanted to pull Hokuto even closer until they were flush together, not even the strongest tides able to pull them apart. The desire to kiss Hokuto again raced through Jesse’s body, the need to let out his love that was bubbling over in his heart, but he held back. It wouldn’t be right to kiss Hokuto in front of his parents. He didn’t want to make a bad first impression as Hokuto’s chosen.
There were still countless challenges they would face together, society bearing down upon them for the choice that they made together, but Jesse would remain strong. Whether it was surrounded by riches or with only the clothes on their back, they would make a life together that was uniquely their own. All Jesse needed was to have his beloved by his side.